He Calls me

As he has every day for the past 2 and a half years…

I delayed my trip to Bali because he wanted to ‘spend time’ with me

When he returned from Prague.

My body knew something had changed

When he dropped me off at the station and couldn’t wait to leave..

A coldness so unfamiliar.

I’ve been here for a week..

But nothing feels right.

And today, long distance, he tells me it’s over.

Just like that.

He reels off how much he’s learned…

How grateful he is for our time together.


In that frozen moment…

Want’s me to do the same?

I’m paralysed in disbelief…

He’s asking me to sing his praises!

I tell him to return my things and hang up the phone.


An intense sensation rises through my chest… I sit bolt upright… feel on the ground… connecting.

I think my heart is breaking…


As I write… the tears well in my eyes..

The obligatory copy of Eat, Pray, Love lies open, face down to my right..

Through my tears I have to laugh at the cliche… the absurdity of this moment…

I am doing my best not to break into wild sobs,

Not to dive into that beckoning ocean of self pity…

Now, with adamant resolve,

I claim my tears…

Determined to feel without a story.

Right now, he is not worthy of their shedding.

8.00 am

It’s early morning in Ubud…

With the cocks crow,

I feel the abrupt transition

From the spaciousness and peace of twilight to the harsh glare of day.

An unwelcome prelude to the bustle of locals and tourists going about their business…

A small, mottled cat arrives beside me and rubs against my leg…

As if she senses at once,

My aversion to human company and my need for affection.


I meet her on the corner, this new mirror of mine.

Recovering from Bali Belly…and still reeling in confusion

I am fragile…

We walk anyway, along the path of artists…

We discuss the devastation of this so called ‘progress’

Wondering about our place in it all..

A brief distraction.

Seated now at the cafe, we back and forth, as women do…

my anger at him, at myself, transforms into a heart warm and open.

In this moment, floating high above myself

I touch a deep trust for life…


Crashing with a thud…

I meet with the girls on the creativity course… they ask me how I am feeling.

I hesitate with my response… honesty prevails..

We don’t know each other well… And, there is no space for drama, in me or in them…

Not superficial, but light…

The necessary harmony of mothers.

I am breaking inside..


Gratitude for my foresight in booking a session.. Paid in advance..

A moment of urgency… as I realise the wi-fi is down …

I rush to another villa and finally establish a connection…

I give her the lowdown… She is angry at his cowardly behaviour.

Reflecting the collective pain of women.

I tell her I don’t want to go there.

Looks like I’ve discovered self regulation from the inside out…

She commends my ‘stability’ in the face of it all.

In truth, i am numb, frozen in time …

Not sure if it was worth $80.


The sky is grey with volcanic ash.

Male and female pigeons on a roof outside my window.

They sit together, but he is agitated… flighty.

She moves along… he follows, then moves back again.

I didn’t see what happened after that… but the birds are gone

Keeping it real…


I send him a message.

I tell ‘Darling’ that I am ok with his decision because in truth.. I was going that way too..

I don’t like the way he did it, but I still hold him in my heart.

I try to convince myself I’m ‘big enough’ to let this go…

But I feel trapped, powerless and desperate to reconnect..

I try to send it but the wi-fi is still down..

A sense of urgency floods me.. .


He replies.

He ‘appreciates’ my heartfelt message..

Just takes it and offers nothing.

Our whole journey together tied up in a neat little package and tossed aside…

No opportunity offered for openness or closure…

I drop to the floor and cry.

Then anger… at myself… rises like a storm.

Have I just ‘let him off the hook’? Allowed him the easy way out?

He has nothing for me… only for himself…

And I … have .. just … given .. him … my … blessing.


I can’t eat… I’m feverish and weak…

I call Gusti, my driver to bring me some water.

I burst into tears when I see him.

He responds with genuine concern and surprise.

He calls me mum. “Mum, don’t cry”…

He can’t stay… his wife and child are with him

He will come back later…


I am almost asleep when Gusti arrives…

Now it is he who is crying.

He just had a fight with his wife…

He is half-caste, with no family here.

She told him to go back to Java…


I awake in a pool of sweat.

Belly churning I run to the bathroom…

Anxiety rises like a demon

I won’t indulge it.

I read 2 more chapters of Eat, Pray, Love.

Seeking solace in her humanity…

and… her survival.

I roll over and turn out the light.


Rebecca Kingsbury            Website


Leave a Comment:

anna says June 11, 2016


thanks for honesty

u r really beautiful

Maggie Cunningham says June 11, 2016

My instinct is to comfort you and berate him but instead I will comment on your writing. It was powerful. You engaged me from the start. I felt your pain, anger and shock. The “Bali belly” seems like a physical manifestation of your emotional heartache. The association with the novel ‘Eat, Pray, Love provides a strong dramatic irony for your loss. Keep on writing, Rebecca, you are very good. I have no idea whether or not you have done any writing before this but I suspect that you have; as it flows so well.
On a personal note, I am genuinely sorry that you have had your heart broken, Rebecca, but in my experience we learn something about ourselves from every relationship we have had; whether it is good or bad. I hope that you recovered quickly from the ”Bali belly” and that in time you be able to focus on the positives aspects of the relationship and move forward with your usual strength, determination and amazing panache.

    Rebecca Kingsbury says June 22, 2016

    Thank you so much Maggie… I haven’t really written much before… but I always felt I would one day… it’s a shame such pain turned out to be the catalyst… but yes… that’s life. I recovered from the Bali Belly… unfortunately I can’t say the same for the heartbreak yet. 4 months down the track he dropped another bomb which wounded me to the core. … guess there’s another piece of writing for the next submission… I’m glad I decided it was time to air this… your kind words, compassion and encouragement are deeply soothing <3 Much love to you.

Michael says June 11, 2016

With deep respect I read your heartfelt words and hear you. Big love to you my very special friend. Xxxx Michael.

Claire says June 13, 2016

Thank you. Loved this. Such a great writer! You’ve inspired me to share more of my own story, for healing’s sake xo

    Rebecca Kingsbury says June 22, 2016

    Thanks Claire… I’d like to read your story if you feel to share with me x

Cathy says June 14, 2016

Rebecca, That waa Powerful, touched me deeply

Bettie says January 29, 2022

Great post. I’m facing many of these issues as well..

Simon Vanscoik says January 30, 2022

all the time i used to read smaller articles or reviews which as well clear their motive,and that is also happening with this paragraph which I am reading here.

Sienna says January 30, 2022

I know this site gives quality dependent posts and additional information,
is there any other website which provides these kinds of data in quality?

Janean Sengupta says January 30, 2022

Hurrah, that’s what I was searching for, what a material!present here at this website, thanks admin of this site.

Marvin says January 31, 2022

Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your webpage?
My blog is in the exact same area of interest as yours and
my visitors would definitely benefit from a lot of the information you present here.
Please let me know if this alright with you.
Appreciate it!

Clarence Leventhal says January 31, 2022

I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this postwas good. I do not know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already😉 Cheers!

Caitlyn says February 1, 2022

It’s not my first time to pay a quick visit this website, i am
browsing this site dailly and get fastidious information from here every day.

Chester Garced says February 1, 2022

Attractive element of content. I just stumbled upon your blog andin accession capital to claim that I acquire in fact loved account your weblog posts.Anyway I will be subscribing for your augment and even I success you get entry to consistentlyfast.

Lowell says February 2, 2022

Hi, Neat post. There is an issue along with your site in internet explorer,
would test this? IE still is the marketplace leader and a huge portion of folks will leave out your magnificent writing due to this problem.

Stan says February 2, 2022

If you desire to take a good deal from this paragraph then you have to apply such techniques
to your won weblog.

April says February 2, 2022

Everything is very open with a precise description of the
issues. It was truly informative. Your website is extremely helpful.
Many thanks for sharing!

Horace Subert says February 2, 2022

Very soon this site will be famous amid all blog people, due to it’s nice posts

Maurine says February 2, 2022

I visited many sites but the audio feature
for audio songs existing at this web site is in fact

Alisia says February 2, 2022

We stumbled over here coming from a different web page and thought I may as well check things out.
I like what I see so now i’m following you. Look forward to looking into your web page again.

cialis tadalafil 20mg says February 3, 2022

Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this,
like you wrote the book in it or something.
I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but
instead of that, this is fantastic blog. A fantastic read.
I will certainly be back.

Megan says February 4, 2022

The other day, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple ipad and tested to see if
it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation.
My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views.
I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it
with someone!

Marynat says February 25, 2022

ivermectin otc

Wimnat says February 26, 2022

robaxin 500mg cost

Ashnat says February 26, 2022

buying diflucan

Amynat says February 27, 2022


Yonnat says February 27, 2022

buy zestoretic

Amynat says February 27, 2022


Zaknat says February 27, 2022

lisinopril 3.125

Lisanat says February 27, 2022

effexor 37 mg

Marynat says February 28, 2022

plavix discount

Tednat says February 28, 2022

sildalis tablets

Teonat says March 1, 2022

buy viagra

Alannat says March 1, 2022

viagra pills

Ugonat says March 4, 2022

15mg cialis

Paulnat says March 7, 2022

clomid india

Ashnat says March 9, 2022

prazosin hcl

Marknat says June 5, 2022


Yonnat says August 24, 2022

feldene uk

Kianat says August 24, 2022

strattera online

Teonat says August 25, 2022

ventolin nz

Boonat says September 2, 2022

trazodone discount

Boonat says September 16, 2022

cialis india

Boonat says October 20, 2022

dapoxetine 100 mg

Dennat says October 21, 2022

prednisone 24 mg

Teonat says November 17, 2022

50 mg lisinopril

Ashnat says November 25, 2022

order tetracycline

Paulnat says November 26, 2022

citalopram 302

Carlnat says December 17, 2022

indocin otc

Zaknat says December 19, 2022

yasmin tablets

Marknat says December 27, 2022

4000mg gabapentin

Carlnat says January 13, 2023

pharmacy rx

Paulnat says February 8, 2023

prazosin bph

Ugonat says February 17, 2023

albenza 200 mg

Dennat says February 28, 2023

augmentin usa

Alannat says June 2, 2023

atarax 5mg

Eyenat says July 1, 2023

70 mg paxil

Eyenat says August 6, 2023

pfizer viagra

Alannat says August 25, 2023

silagra 25 mg

Marynat says August 28, 2023

disulfiram uk

Eyenat says September 4, 2023

diclofenac 35

Zaknat says September 14, 2023

The effectiveness of generic allopurinol 100mg is on par with brand name medication.

Zaknat says September 21, 2023

doxycycline coupon

Zaknat says September 21, 2023

lasix 12.5

Zaknat says September 23, 2023

canada rx pharmacy

Eyenat says September 30, 2023

online pharmacy pain

Ashnat says October 4, 2023

ivermectin 3

Eyenat says November 4, 2023

50 mg lopressor

Alannat says November 7, 2023

prinivil 2.5 mg

Zaknat says November 24, 2023

zestril 20 mg cost

Ashnat says November 26, 2023

lioresal 10

Zaknat says November 26, 2023

cialis 100mg canada

Zaknat says December 18, 2023

trazodone 59 mg

Ashnat says December 27, 2023

vermox online usa

Ashnat says December 30, 2023

retin a cream 0.1

Add Your Reply
Receive Monthly Letters From The Curator