Celeste #2
Oh Sasha, Sasha, Sasha… Little Sasha Bear, my Boo, Bub, Bubba, BoobieDoo, Sashi, My Little Bugli, My Love… I miss you so.
It’s been a few months now you’ve departed this place, and my heart aches with deep joy and sadness for knowing you and missing you.
I know you are happy up there, wherever you are, being all infinite and aglow without limitations.
I feel you here sometimes, surrounding me. I know you come to be with me. I can feel your comforting energy like a cozy blanket some days.
You remind me when I forget, that you aren’t gone, that you are here and everywhere, and in fact only a finger’s breadth away.
I miss stroking your fur, and petting your belly, and seeing your ears flap in the wind out the car window.
I miss your bouncy trot and fluffy tail on walks, and how you run around all crazy on the trails some days when you were hyper.
I miss how attentive you became at mealtime and the joy of sharing food and snuggles with you. Oh the snuggles… our cozy morning snuggles, nothing in the world could compare.
When you got sick I felt devastated beyond repair; cracked completely wide open. As though I were thrust all the way through a threshold into a land that belongs solely to Source embodied, a place where all that matters is breath and the simplicity of being in the moment.
It’s funny, because even in this place of grace, I remember sobbing uncontrollably on your bed, completely turned over to the wretched aching love and sorrow, begging for your pardon. I knew the best thing I could do to support you was to remain calm, grounded and centered. But I just couldn’t. I lost all control.
You have crawled so far into my heart and the immanency of your departure rattled and shook my heart open to breaking point as you danced and leapt out toward a new kind of freedom.
In your life, you saturated me with a love so pure, a love I had never experienced before I knew you. It shook me to my core to see you in pain, to watch helplessly as you suffered.
Your bravery was exceptional, and your courage inspiring. You gave me strength and coached me through your illness even while you rested.
It was the most exquisite thing, to be with you in presence during the last days of your life. I learned so much about being present and in the moment. Like truly in the moment, with you.
I learned what it is to lovingly be of service to your highest will and support you through your choice to leave.
I learned that no matter what happens in life, we are incredibly gifted in the simplicity of good food, clean water to drink, a safe place to be still, and the comfort of family and friends.
You have selflessly gifted me countless beautiful memories, shared your regal wisdom and offered your healing ways to support me over our 13 years together.
In fact, you taught me so much in our final days together that I wrote a list to remember them. So thank you my sweet darling Sasha. It’s the highest honour to be your kindred.
The Things I’ve Learned From My Dying Dog
- Be in the Moment. I know, it’s so zen. You’re welcome.
- During a time of tragedy, illness, grieving, or dying it can be very helpful and confirming to have an outside neutral perspective. Someone to facilitate a ‘check in’ on behalf of you or a loved to get a read on what’s really going on and what is needed in an optimal way. Traumatic shock can cloud our ability to hear what messages our body and life is leading us to see and it can be so valuable to have somebody with an outside perspective provide you with some clarity in a time of crisis.
- That being said, the most personal decisions need to be made from the depth of your own heart. Some decisions should not be overly influenced or made by an outside source. No one can provide the same barometer as your own heart. A person outside of oneself can provide a container and space to find that inner reflection, but it’s ultimately our choices and our decisions that matter. Sometimes we need the help of others to see what is really inside us all along.
- Which is sort of my round-a-bout way of saying that the hardest decisions in life are yours, and yours alone to make. We need to feel confident and at peace with our choices so maintaining our personal power and exercising our will to choose is an important aspect of difficult life decisions. It needs to be an inner journey that you perform on your own or with your family involved to receive this type of information as confirmation that this decision comes from you, rather than from an outside source. It’s all about going within and seeking the answers from the heart.
- Respect the choices of others, period. When our dog decided she was ready to go, I got behind her decision 100%. That is the way I speak my love to her; by being supportive to her will. Only she truly knows what is best for her. When I understand this and claim that same lesson for myself I am more easily able to extend that to others.
- Dying is the most natural thing in the world. It’s as natural as dancing and singing and smiling and eating and loving. It’s a part of the whole picture of life.
- Food is really awesome. It’s a gift. Cherish it.
- It’s okay to ask for help for yourself and for others. Sasha had this beautiful way of gathering people together. When she became ill, we enlisted the support of our community who showed up for us in the most beautiful of ways. This was incredibly profound for me to surrender to what was being asked of me in each moment knowing we were supported.
- When the tears flow, let’em rock! It’s totally normal to let the expression of love out through your tears. You might set off other people’s sprinkler system, and that’s ok too. They probably needed the release. I still release my hot salty tears like a badge of honour when the waves come. It’s part of how I praise you and express my love.
- You can be Happy and Grieving at the same time. Yes, you heard that right. It’s entirely possible to be weeping with grief and happy in your heart at the same exact moment. Cherish the gift of loving by allowing the nature of grief to grace your heart too.
- Lying in the grass is heaven to a dog. So take time just to lay in the grass, which brings us back to #1, be in the moment.
I remember Sasha, on the morning you departed how peaceful we all felt…
April 6th, 2015
Early this morning, a small bird hopped around our home and then found his way
I knew Sasha was next to find her new wings
The Eagles came and flew so high beckoning her flight
The Hummingbird zoomed and celebrated her life
The small Tree Frog so green and so wise, sat beside in the grass an inch from my eye, whispering final words to our peacemaking hearts
The Spider wove her web and the dream of all that is new
I Sang songs in her ear to soothe her last breath
And held my Girl tight as her Soul took flight
I cradled her until the candle was low
And hollowed the earth to basket her bones .
We sent prayers to the Heavens to receive our sweet Girl
Planted seeds and daffodil bulbs there to bloom
Danced around and around, hand in hand
And made face paint of burial dirt and howled at the moon
Sasha’s Prayer
May Sasha be at Peace
May all Beings be at Peace
May we join our Hearts together
And sing the Praise of Love
For together we Shine
Like the song of the Morning Sun
Custom Artwork of Sasha by Helen Windsor of Healing Helen Art
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